Tuesday, February 03, 2015

A Brand New Year

It's been a month into the new year, and frankly it doesn't quite feel any different.  No new vibes, new aspirations or new directions.  It feels just like the old 2014.  Where is that "It's a new year, time for a change" shout-out? Nadda.  Maybe it's a case of coming back from an awesome vacation over Christmas and New Year to this same old life.  Like becoming sober after a long wonderful night of being high on weed.  You suddenly feel a sense of loss, a sense of nonchalant and nothingness.  Where's my life heading revelation.  Sure, you would say "Snap out of it!", "It was just a vacation. Everything that came with it is OVER!". Isn't it the sad truth? Cruel, sad truth.  One that you (I) very much do not want to face with.  The "Whatever happened during vacation stays within the vacation".  What if life is just a vacation that never ends?  Wouldn't that be fucking awesome!?
Looking back to the past year, it had been pretty good.  I've travelled to 6 different countries, I felt appreciated at work, I've worked with awesome, fun people and had plenty of fun, gotten darn drunk and made a fool out of myself.  I've embarked on a brand new fitness program and I'm seeing results - a stronger, leaner body and am liking the toned look on my body, the muscles that peeked out when flexed.  I'm liking the fact that I'm finally putting more effort in yoga, in attempting and practicing the tough poses though much more could be done on my flexibility.  Re-establishing contact with someone I thought was long lost and forgotten, slightly re-igniting that flutter which I guessed is just me.
If I could travel back in time, I would so go back to re-do some of the things I had done, right the wrong, did something different, did something more, spout more punch lines in response to a joke, be more proactive than reactive in some situations, with someone, and maybe, just maybe, the results would be different, more what I had hoped it would turn out to be.  But life does not have a rewind button.  What was done is done, what happened already did.  Suck it up and move forward, sulk a little and pick it up.  What is life without regrets?  A fucking irritating one!  But inevitable.
Had a talk with my insurance/financial agent on what my goals are, what do I want in life so she can help to plan.  And my mind blanked out.  What do I want?  A house when I am 35? Sure, if that's what's the norm.  But do I really want that? Heck no idea.  Put it in plan to start a savings/investment plan sounds like a good idea.  Maybe I'll need the money to buy a fucking sail boat!  Deep down, I think I want an adventure, but my heart seems to be slowing down when that idea is to do it alone.  I like an adventure, but to do it with someone, a partner, a similar minded adventurer.  To set sail and wander around the world, going as we please, stopping when we want.  The world is out oyster.  Would I give up everything I have right now (not that I have much) for the adventurer to take me away? Yes.  The question is if the adventurer will take me away. 
It's just the start of the new year.  Who knows what will happen, or what will come next.  Yea, the world could disappear the next day. Yup if the world were to end, that would be my preference - for it to just disappear in an instant. Poof! Gone! No need to worry or fear or run.  I'll let life take me wherever it wants to take me.  Cruising, that's what I'm good at.  It's a gamble for sure.  I could be going for a great ride or a ride to hell.  Risks! It's all about taking risks!  I took one big risk with that trip (nope didn't get kidnapped in Mexico), and look where that took me!  Interpret that yourself.  And I'm really not a big risk-taker.  Gosh, what was I thinking!  Need to work on myself.
2015, I've known my best mates for 20 years! Getting old.  It's scary when you get to the age when all your friends are married and with kids.  And you suddenly realized you're surrounded by baby pictures and pregnant women.  Them envious of your single carefree life travelling around the world, and me looking in and thinking "at least you always have someone to go back to when life gets shitty, and a shoulder to cry over".  Grass is always greener on the other side.  So much to do but no one to do it with.  Maybe a change in environment will spice things up.  Giddy-up! Another 11 months to go to another new fucking year!  Happy 50th anniversary my country!

Speaking of which, after 1 year of telling myself I'm not gonna colour my hair, I couldn't resist it anymore.  Purple is the new black! Didn't want to go too far as this already took me 3H, but after seeing the effect, darn should have gone further and bolder.  Then again, I'll have to camp at the salon.

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